


It's Never Silent

by throam (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Canon, Established Relationship, M/M, Ryden, angryangryangry, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 16:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8333698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/throam
Summary: "Because I love you! I fucking love you, Ryan. And yes, I fucked Dallon. I won't deny it, because I hate lying to you. I was drunk, and it meant nothing and you have every right to be pissed at me, because I'm a dick and you deserve so much better than me, but please. Don't leave. I'm so fucking sorry, and you'll never forgive me, but I can't have you thinking that I don't love you."
A mistake and three words is all it takes to ruin everything they've done.





	

"Ryan," Brendon pleaded, following Ryan out of the room. "Ryan, stop it. You're being a dick." Ryan stopped walking, and turned to face Brendon.

 

"I'm being a dick?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Brendon, you slept with somebody while I was out of town."

 

"I missed you, and I just," Brendon trailed off, diverting his eyes to Ryan, who was biting his lip and staring out of the window. His emotions were hard to read, he looked blank.

 

"I trusted you." Ryan whispered. "I fucking trusted you, and you went behind my back."

 

"Ry, I'm so sorry, it's just, I di-"

 

"Fuck off," Ryan snapped, looking at Brendon dead in the eye. "I don't fucking need to be listening to your excuses when I could be leaving." His eyes were filling with tears, and he tried to look like he wasn't on the verge of crying. Ryan never cries, Brendon thought.

 

"Ry, what do you mean?" Brendon whispered, his voice cracking as if he were close to tears.

 

"What do I mean? Give me one reason I should stay, Brendon. One fucking reason." Ryan shouted, tears spilling from his eyes.

 

"Because I love you! I fucking love you, Ryan. And yes, I fucked Dallon. I won't deny it, because I hate lying to you. I was drunk, and it meant nothing and you have every right to be pissed at me, because I'm a dick and you deserve so much better than me, but please. Don't leave. I'm so fucking sorry, and you'll never forgive me, but I can't have you thinking that I don't love you." Brendon shouted, now crying, too. And for a second, Ryan looked like he was about to accept the apology. And then he didn't.

 

"I'm leaving." Ryan whispered, pushing past Brendon, who was now fully in tears.

 

"Don't." Brendon tried to say, but it came out as nothing more than a whisper. Ryan turned around and walked towards Brendon.

 

"Don't what? If you loved me that much, then you wouldn't have fucked him. So yeah. I do have every right to be pissed at you, and no, I won't forgive you. So you're right about two things, asshole. Why don't you invite Dallon to live here with you, you seem to enjoy his company a lot."

 

"Ry, I fucking told you. I was drunk. It didn't mean a thing. But I can't stop you from leaving. You deserve better than me, so I'll just, let you go then, I guess." Brendon sniffed, and looked away. "I mean, I guess I'll help you pack, then."

 

"Okay." Ryan replied, dully. "I think I can crash at Spencer's til' I find a place."

 

"Yeah." Brendon said, following Ryan out of the kitchen and into their shared bedroom. Ex-shared bedroom, Brendon thought.

 

"Grab my things?" Ryan asked. "Gotta call Spencer."

 

"Yeah, yeah sure." Brendon said, calmly. Or as far as calmly goes when you're pretending you haven't broke the heart of your lover, the love of your life. As far as calmly goes when all you want is what's best for him but you find yourself as the enemy. As far as calmly goes when you want to say something, but can't form the right words, when all you want to do is fix this, but can't say anything that'll help.

 

One, two, three of Ryan's shirts, put them into his bag. Three shirts closer to Ryan leaving, three shirts closer to loss, loss of whatever he had before this. Take a shirt, put it in the bag. Take a shirt, put it in the bag. It seemed like an eternity before Ryan entered the room again. Footsteps, walking around the room behind him. He didn't bother turning around, didn't want to make things worse.

 

"I just want to know why," Ryan said, breaking the silence, thick with tension.

 

"Why what?" Brendon asked, turning around.

 

"Why you did it! I honestly don't know why you would fuck another guy in my fucking bed?" Ryan snapped.

 

"I told you, Ry. I was drunk. Like off-my-face drunk. I didn't know what I was doing, until I'd done it. I didn't keep it from you because I don't lie to you. I don't see what part of that is hard for you to see?"

 

"Fucking unbelievable." Ryan whispered. "I hate you." And it felt like a slap in the face, to both of them. Neither of them said those words, they never had, in three years. Not to each other. "Bren, I'm sorry." Ryan said, instantly regretting it.

 

"No, Ryan. I'm sorry. For not being good enough for you. I told you, I said I was sorry. What more do you want? Stop being an asshole about it. There's nothing we can do, now."

 

"I'm being an asshole? None of this would have happened if you were less of a slut!" Ryan snapped, walking towards Brendon, who backed away slightly.

 

"Don't fucking call me that." Brendon growled, clearly getting angry.

 

"Slut." Ryan whispered, stepping towards Brendon again, who backed away and hit the wall. Brendon opened his mouth to say something, but his words were lost when Ryan threw himself at Brendon, kissing him roughly, pushing him to the wall, pressing their bodies together. It took a while for Brendon to respond, but he eventually did, kissing back violently and angrily. It was agressive and wanton, angry and apologetic, and yet it was, in their own way loving. Emotions, apologies, poured out into a spontaneous kiss, that wasn't supposed to happen, that wasn't supposed to be enjoyed.

 

Ryan pulled away and looked at Brendon. With an unreadable expression on his face, again. "I'm sorry." Ryan whispered, looking at the ground.

 

"I'm sorry, too." Brendon sighed. "I'm so sorry." Ryan threw his arms around Brendon, who did the same. Tears spilled down Brendon's face, and he held Ryan tighter. He kissed Ryan again, softly. "I love you. I love you so much, Ryan." he whispered, his lips brushing againt Ryan's.

 

"I love you, too Bren." Ryan whispered, kissing him again, and again. And still, nothing was perfect, but everything was okay, and that was perfect.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey, i hope you liked this angst, i thought it'd be cool to write something that isn't fluff (cheeky spon, check out my fluffy fics if you haven't already) ;) anyways, if you'd like me to continue this, comment below! as always, kudos + comments are lovely and thank you for reading!


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